it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
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At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
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It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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