Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
