Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
