I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
