Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
