i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
