is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
