Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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