Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
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So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
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