Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
