I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
