i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
