Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize