Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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