Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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