omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
