Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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