i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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