That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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