I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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