He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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