I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
