Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
