Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
