You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum