How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms