Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
