I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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