in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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