if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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