i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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