I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
