I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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