put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
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I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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