Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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