i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
