at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
