I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
