There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
