you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
