did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
