I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
