just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
