I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
