Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
