cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
