I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
