I need help removing her.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
