I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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