I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
