allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
