Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
