You smell like stripper and shame
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
