I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
worst night to have a conscience
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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