Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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