My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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