So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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