I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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