please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
