I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
